Three Things I Hate to Admit...

We all have things that we know are true about ourselves but we don't readily throw them out in our every day conversations. They usually end up on a New Year's resolution list someplace or on a bucket list after a long night of chatting with your best friend over a few bottles of (insert your favorite drink here).

I personally have come to realize that when you hide something you have less of a chance to deal with it and it festers into something larger than it actually is. So, I took some time to think about the things that make me squirm.


ONE

I often think it would be easier for me to go back to working for someone else. Whew...there I said it. Yes, even though things have gone tremendously well and my plans have turned into actions which have turned into results, I still worry. Working for yourself has HUGE advantages (plan your own schedule, being your own boss (kind of), choosing what you work on next) but it also has HUGE disadvantages (irregular income, having to motivate yourself to get things done, selling yourself - yes I see this as a disadvantage and I'll touch a little more on it later in the list).

When I made the leap to self-employment I kind of thought I would wake up the first morning after leaving my old job and hear angels singing or feel like Leonardo DiCaprio hanging off the the front of the Titanic. Nope.

I woke up and the worrying started. I planned my exit from corporate world for an entire year. I had a million little pieces of paper that reminded me of why I was doing this, the benefits my family and I would reap. I also had a million pieces of paper with challenges, fears and road blocks. I took all of those pieces of paper and I taped them into a notebook. Every time I questioned something...it went in the book. In the end I took those bits and pieces and turned them into my plan. I am still working that plan today, but it isn't without fear. I am definitely doing it afraid and yes, I often think...how much easier it would be to answer to someone else, collect that paycheck every two weeks and know exactly what was in store for me day in and day out. Really though, what fun would that be?

TWO

I am a workaholic. Yup. There is no other way to say it. I almost never shut work mode off. When I left my corporate job I thought that I would feel less compelled to always be doing something productive and that I would be able to just sit and chill with the kids, play Candyland, watch Sponge Bob (ya...don't judge). Didn't take long to figure out that it wasn't going to come easy to me. When you run your own business people say, oh it must be great to not have to answer to anyone. That's not the truth though, in fact I answer to more people now then I ever thought possible and the toughest one to answer to is myself.

Call it A.D.D., call it a short attention span, call it the need for constant stimulation....whatever you want to call it, my picture should be next to it in the dictionary. It is nearly impossible for me to sit still. Especially when I am so freaking excited to look at the images I just created for someone. Nine times out of ten I start sorting, culling and editing within a few hours of getting home from a wedding. I get "the look" from pretty much every member of my family when I walk in the door and go immediately to my computer to start the process. Those looks and sighs are what I use as my family barometer. They keep me real and in check. Then I gently remind them that I am a work in progress.

THREE

I am a horrible salesperson. The thought of having to sell myself or my work to someone turns my stomach into knots. Why? Because I hate the idea of being rejected. But come on, really, who has ever said they like being rejected?

Little by little I have learned to deal with the nerves, the little voice in my head saying..."ya right, you're not good enough for so and so to hire you." I have officially been told  by Mitzi Sackett from Clearer Image Professional Coaching this little voice in my head is my gremlin which of course conjures up visions of a cup of water spilling on me while my gremlin starts to multiply...talk about a nightmare. I've learned that my gremlin actually serves a purpose and by combining it with the confidence I have gained over the past three years of shooting it actually keeps me humble. It also drives me to give my absolute best to every client I work for. I want to knock their socks off and I want to shove a "I told ya so" in my gremlins face.

And a FOURTH for good measure....

I really love spaghetti. It's my weakness.