Growing Pains

So... here I am. Now what? About 3 years ago I started to feel a tightness in my throat. I was sitting at my desk at work and I couldn't seem to swallow this overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. What was it? Yes, I knew I was a new mom to three babies in 15 months, yes I was in the 15th year of my professional career, yes I had a mortgage and daycare and grocery bills..but so does everyone else. I had had it really good up until this point in my life. So what was my deal? I shook it off. That's what I do...just shake it off and get back to work.


Until the next day the tightness in my throat showed up again. And again. And again.

I don't know the exact moment the idea of becoming a photographer popped in my head. I think it was developed more out of necessity to do something different, very different than I had been doing for 15 years. I also knew I needed to be in control of my schedule. I wanted more time. More time with my kids, more time to explore what I was really capable of outside of a corporate environment...just more time period.

I am not sure about you, but I was raised to do what I was told, learn as much as I could and don't rock the boat. Man did I rock it...in a very scary way.

I remember coming home from work one day and actually mustering up the courage to say it out loud that I wanted to quit my job. Sean just looked up at me and laughed a little... a nervous laugh no less. The voice in my throat went quiet for a while, several months actually until it couldn't be held back any longer. One evening after work, after dropping the kids off at two different day-cares  after a day of endless meetings listening to people say the same thing over and over again, after closing myself up in my office hoping that no one would knock on the door so I didn't have to muster the energy to motivate someone else, I finally snapped.

Finally it came pouring out spewing all over the kitchen table with no way to take it back...I want to quit my job and I want to start a photography business. (Insert awkward silence here) Now at that moment did I actually think it was going to happen...no way in hell. But the relief I felt in just saying those words and truly meaning them was like nothing I had ever experienced. I felt I was truly honest with myself and my family (well some of them but that's another story) for the first time in a REALLY long time. I changed a little that day. I took a step closer to my true self. I highly recommend it...what a rush.  Patti